Funny Bumper Stickers, Ranked by How Likely They Are to Get You Out of a Ticket
(Cop-Charm Rating inside. Use responsibly.) (Satire?)
Let’s say you’re going 10 over. You see the lights in your mirror. This is it. But what if… just maybe... your bumper sticker makes the cop laugh hard enough to let you off with a warning?
At Frog Mustard, we make unhinged stickers that break the ice, confuse authority figures, and occasionally charm people in uniforms. We’re not saying these will definitely get you out of a ticket… but we’re also not not saying that.
Here are our best bets, ranked by their Cop-Charm Rating (★★★★★ = highest ticket forgiveness potential):
🚔 Cool Cops Give Warnings
Cop-Charm Rating: ★★★★★
It’s polite. It’s confident. It’s a little manipulative. The energy here is “we both know how this ends, and it's with a wink.”
🐷 Only Cops with Hemorrhoids Pull Me Over
Cop-Charm Rating: ★★★★☆
You’re either getting a warning or a ticket with extra passive aggression. High risk, high reward. Worth it.
🐸 Permission to Bounce on It, Sir?
Cop-Charm Rating: ★★★★☆
You are now legally obligated to deliver this line if pulled over. Whether it’s flirty or just confusing is entirely up to you. Bonus points if you say it with a straight face.
💙 Back the Blue... Into a Corner and Kiss Them Passionately
Cop-Charm Rating: ★★★★☆
Equal parts chaos and affection. They'll laugh... or need to call their supervisor. Either way, you’re unforgettable.
🧀 I Got My Ass Ate at the Tillamook Cheese Factory
Cop-Charm Rating: ★★★☆☆
They’ll need a moment to process this one. If your cop has a sense of humor and a fondness for dairy, you’re golden.
✨ Honk If
Cop-Charm Rating: ★★☆☆☆
This one is a riddle. It sparks confusion, which can either delay the ticket-writing process or create a Mandela Effect. Mysterious and low-key powerful.
🧛 As If You Could Outrun Me, Edward Cullen
Cop-Charm Rating: ★★☆☆☆
If your cop is a closeted Twilight fan? You’re safe. If not, you're just fast and sparkly.
👶 Baby on Board? In This Economy?!
Cop-Charm Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
Hilarious. But cops also live in this economy. Not enough distraction power to get you out of a ticket, but still a solid sticker.
🏁 The Takeaway:
You’re not just decorating your bumper—you’re stacking the odds. Will these stickers guarantee a warning instead of a ticket? No. But will they make a cop laugh, blink twice, or ask you where you got it? Probably.
Want to give yourself the best shot? Browse the full chaotic Frog Mustard sticker collection and build your own ticket-deflection toolkit.